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Of course I am joking. Were you not the one that started it?

A Guy was called for an interview by Chevron based on his performance while working for Shell.
The Interviewer
Akpos asked; What is your current pay at Shell and what are you looking at with Chevron?

The Guy said; 9 Million Naira per annum plus medical and other benefits. Considering the position here in Chevron, I'd be looking at 20-22 Million Naira per annum, a status car, overseas vacation and medicals.

Akpos said; Today is your lucky day! The position comes with 35 Million Naira per annum salary, 2014 Range Rover Sport as official car, Mercedes Benz S65 AMG as status car, overseas medical treatment. A fully furnished house in Lekki, health insurance for your wife and children, 2 houses to be built for you in any town of your choice and in your village, annual overseas vacation for you and your family fully-paid first class, 2 Million Naira wardrobe allowance per annum, cook, steward and 2 drivers, country club membership, and you are entitled to keep all that the company gives you if you put in just 3 years of service. The Guy in bewildered excitement exclaimed; Haaaa! Sir, you must be joking.

Akpos said; Of course I am joking. Were you not the one that started it?

When I went to school I was taught differently

When I went to school I was taught:  

PUSSY meant a CAT 
SEX meant GENDER 
BITCH was a FEMALE DOG 
DICK was a NAME 
BANG was a SOUND 
RUBBER was an ERASER 
ASS was an ANIMAL 
SCREW was just a TOOL 
HEAD meant a part of BODY 
BALLS meant a round TOY
NUTS meant DRYFRUIT 
69 was just a NUMBER  

And then I came across all you dirty minded folks, and suddenly my education got ruined.

Funny experiment

Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !

(Readers are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog)

Don't laugh loud

Teacher:class wat is the name of animal dat start wit lter D?
Akpos:make a counter answer~sir Donkey!
Teacher:keep quit class wat is the name of animal that start wit lter T?
Akpo:sir Two Donkey
Teacher became angry nd send akpor out of his class due to his misbehaving,
Teacher:class wat is the name of animal dat start wit lter M?
Akpos outsite the window make a shauting sirrrrrrrrrrr May be a Donkey!

Ekaite wanted her salary raised her madam asked wanted to know why

Ekaite wanted her salary raised 
her madam wanted 3 reasons why
she wanted an increment of salary.

Ekaite: I can cook Better than you?
Madam: who told you that
Ekaite: your husband told Me?
Madam: OK, second reason
Ekaite: I can iron Better than you
Madam: who told you that
Ekaite: Your husband told Me
Madam: OK, and the third reason?
Ekaite: I am also Better in bed
than you? This time madam was
furious & was getting ready to
break her head
Madam: Did my husband say that?
Ekaite: No the driver to me that
I’m better in bed than you are
Madam: Please lower your voice I
will increase your salary ! In-fact
How much Do You Want?

Question : if you happens to be
the maid how much will you tell
her? 

Teacher asked Akpos to recite the alphabet the following will shock you


 Teacher asked Akpos to recite the alphabet the following will shock you
A for-Adobe
B for-bluetooth
C for-chat
D for-download
E for-email
F for-facebook
G for-google
H for-hotmail
I for-iphone
J for-Java
K for-kingston
L for-laptop
M for-messenger
N for-NOKIA
O for-outlook
P for-print
Q for-QuickTime
R for-RAM
S for-Server
T for-Touch Screen
U for-U S B
V for-Version
W for-wifi1
X for-xbox360
Y for-YouTube
Please help Akpos with `Z’..
 

Akpos survived being killed by fire

WIFE: Darling why are you home this early
wearing such a long face?
AKPOS: Had a terrible day, i
lost all my colleagues today at work.
WIFE: Blood of Jesus! What
happened?
AKPORS: There was a fire outbreak down in
the tunnel and everybody died!
WIFE: What a pity! Darling I thank God for
keeping you alive. How did you make it out
my dear?
AKPOS: Darling, it was God's work. My
stomach was upsetting me so, I took a break
to ease myself in the toilet.
WIFE: Darling, thank God you
are alive. What would have Happened to us?
I feel so much pity for their families. So bad,
how are they going to survive now?
AKPOS: My dear its a pity, but UNITED
NATIONS has decided to give the families of
the deceased $10million each.
WIFE: What?!!!!! Ten million
what? So because of your useless stomach
upset and the foolish
toilet and your refusal to die
with your colleagues.......make me miss that
money?? I beg if you don't want trouble, go
back and die with your colleagues.

Akpos went for a JOB Interview

Akpos was called for an interview by Chevron based on his performance while working for shell.

INTERVIEWER: What is your current pay at Shell and what are you looking at with Chevron?

AKPOS: N9m per annum plus medical and other benefits. Considering the position here in Chevron, I’d be looking at N20-22m per annum, a status car, overseas vacation and medicals.

INTERVIEWER: Today is your lucky day! The position comes with N35m per annum salary, 2014 Range Rover Sport as official car, Mercedes Benz S65 AMG as status car, overseas medical treatment. A fully furnished house here in lekki, health insurance for your wife and children, 2 houses to be built for you in any town of your choice and in your village, annual overseas vacation for you and your family fully-paid first class, N2m wardrobe allowance per annum, cook, steward and 2 drivers, country club membership, and you’re entitled to keep all that the company gives you if you put in just 3 years of service…

AKPOS: (in bewildered excitement) HAAA!!!! Sir, you must be joking!!!

INTERVIEWER: Of course I’m joking! Were you not the one that started it?

Akpos was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery

Akpos was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery and his wife Ekaite was sitting by his side. Akpos looked at his wife Ekaite and said "you're beautiful". The next day Akpos said to his wife "you look cute" and Ekaite said "what Happened to being beautiful" Akpos replied "the drugs are wearing off"

Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital.

Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital. When he got home, he called the Psychiatric Hospital on phone and asked; Is there any one in Room 8 in Ward 1? The Receptionist on phone replied; Just a minute sir hold on let me check. A while later the Receptionist came back on the phone and said; There is no one sir. Akpos exclaimed; Wow! Okay my dear. The Receptionist said; But why did you asked sir?. Akpos replied; I want to be sure if i have escaped.